Steve Ballmer’s Clippers malfunctioned like an previous XBox

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The Pelicans unplugged the Clippers’ controller.

The Pelicans unplugged the Clippers’ controller.
Picture: Getty Pictures

Man, Steve Ballmer needed to be feeling actually good when he first bought Paul George and Kawhi Leonard. I imply like “Steve Ballmer hyping up a pep rally” good or “Christmas morning presents as a baby” good. He felt “Simply purchased a model new XBox and am barely in a position to drive house under the pace restrict” good.

And, boy, is a brand new XBox enjoyable. You play it for a yr perhaps. Halo and Gears of Battle are nice, however earlier than you’re even in a position to get used to A, B, X, Y over sq., circle, triangle and X throughout a season of NCAA School Soccer, you get the pink ring of dying, and there’s nothing you or Microsoft can do to revive you as soon as shiny, utopia-promising toy.

Not like my dearly discarded XBox, the Clippers nonetheless have an opportunity to make good on the title that Leonard and George promised, but it surely’s not occurring this yr. Ty Lue did every part he may to attempt to get this group to the postseason, and but a glitch within the system nonetheless occurred, with a constructive COVID check forcing George to take a seat out what ended up being the group’s last recreation of the season, a 105-101 loss to the Pelicans on Friday night time.

(Should you’re asking, sure, I’m going to proceed milking this satisfactory analogy for the complete $375 that that piece of junk price me. I’m nonetheless taking part in my Ps 3 despite the fact that it seems like a jet engine as a result of the Uncharted video games are enjoyable to revisit and since it nonetheless capabilities.)

I doubt any LA followers dabbled in Clippers fandom the best way I dabbled in shoddy Microsoft tech after a profitable stint with a storied franchise like Ps or the Lakers, and how will you blame anybody who was silly sufficient to attempt to flip-flop again to previous dependable? The Clippers as a franchise really feel like a dull piece of expertise. If current counts as “storied historical past” they’ve it in spades.

I’ve executed an article on LA’s different NBA group a pair totally different occasions, and it may very well be that I’m not nearly as good of a author as I feel I’m, however nobody appeared to ever learn them. That stated, the rationale why I feel nobody reads these items is as a result of the Clippers don’t evoke emotion in some way.

It’s onerous discovering an angle when writing in regards to the Clippers as a result of they’re the Clippers. Donald Sterling bought booted from possession, and each man on that group nonetheless performed basketball like they hated life. Including a pair hometown abilities didn’t endear the group to LA followers. If something it turned the 2 stars into traitors for not going to the Lakers, and made the franchise barely extra annoying.

Yeah, LeBron James and Anthony Davis had an all-time embarrassing season this yr, however they gained a title. The Lakers sucking unsurprisingly garnered extra press than Lue overachieving with out his greatest gamers.

You’ll be able to name the Clippers’ play-in loss in opposition to the Pelicans on Friday night time a choke job if you need. They have been up three with 5 minutes left. However the actual missed alternative — in addition to having a Finals MVP and an All-NBA wing of their primes for 3 years with solely an look within the Western Convention Finals to point out for it — was Tuesday night time in opposition to Minnesota when George performed and the group nonetheless squandered a 10-point fourth quarter lead and a playoff berth to group whose greatest participant was in foul hassle the complete recreation.

We’re well beyond the purpose of anticipating this group to contend for a title. They will add all of the All Stars, coaches, arenas, and followers Microsoft can purchase, and the tip end result would be the similar. Publicity comes their approach as a result of they’re in LA, and so they have legitimately nice gamers. Basketball writers are obligated to speak in regards to the Clippers the identical approach they’re required to speak about Brooklyn.

Good job, fellas. Technique to discover the 2 groups in main markets that evoke a collective “Meh.” It’s like shopping for a Ferrari SUV. You’ll be able to brag about being in LA or New York or a $300,000 automotive all you need, however that doesn’t make it cool. Not less than Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving give fascinating or outlandish quotes.

I’m executed feigning enthusiasm for Clippers storylines. The one purpose I wrote this was as a result of I had an XBox analogy that works on two ranges, I’ve a beef with Microsoft, and it’s enjoyable to see billionaires’ costly toys go up in flames.

Wait, does “exhausted by a group’s extreme blandness” qualify as an emotion? It does?! Effectively, shit, I suppose congratulations are to ensure that the Clippers — as a result of the playoffs definitely aren’t.



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